A hard day

Today has been a hard day for me..I started it with the wonder of what kind of day Carter would have..You just never know. And these past 6 days have been up and down. Yesterday was a better day (until Carter started getting tired around 5 pm)..and now today has been frequent for his 'noises' again. It was also hard for me cause it was me and two boys..and one boy was making noises and complaining of hurting in his fingers and such..and my other little boy was just owly..I think he is teething.
One more week..thats all I can think..I dont think that day can come soon enough..I just want answers..I really cant take watching Carters eyes do what they do during these noises..you know something is going on in his head..Just thinking about this..Carter had noises as a baby..they started after his first shunt was placed..at 8 days old. His head literally was so big that I had to have a c-section. When I was 32 wks pregnant his head was that of a 38 wk baby..and so the docs knew by 38 wks it would too large for me to deliver. Anyways, his head went from large to SUNKEN. His cheek bones stuck out and skull was very visible..and then boom, these noises took place. He had an EEG to check for seizures back then, but it came back negative..they werent seizures..they were brain irritation..The neurosurgeon couldnt explain them..never seem them before..As time went by, his noises lessened and lessened..and then one day I said..Hey he hasnt made his noises for a long time! We had gotten so used to them that we didnt think much of them when they happened.
Well, November 12 and November 13 Carter had two more surgeries..the one the 12th didnt work..and so 18 hours later, they went back in again..This time they placed a longer catheter. Carter was having surgery because his previous catheter got plugged. We were in Omaha Oct. 28-29 and they increased the intercranial pressure from 0.5 (lowest) to 3.0 (highest)...Increased, meaning faster draining..JUST like when he was a baby. And now these noises start again.. COINCIDENCE? I think not..I myself believe that Carter's noises could be from the flow of the shunt being way too high for Carter..And if this is true, his EEG setup for next friday the 18th will come back normal..I guess we will have to see..I just want answers..and want help for my little boy..
I love being home with my boys..but to be home and have to watch my son go through so much makes me sometimes wish I was working..(I do know that if I was working I would go crazy, my place IS at home with my boys right now).
Thats all I have now..I realize that when I am feeling overwhelmed as I did today, I need to call a friend, get in the bible, take a timeout, do something..Barlow Girls song "Never Alone" comes to mind.
Please pray for Carter to have a better day tomorrow..Thanks!

Bring the Rain

Bring me Joy, Bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings You glory, and I know there will be days when this life brings me pain, but if thats what it takes to praise you, Jesus bring the rain.-Mercy Me

These past few days have been kinda hard on me. It reminds me of the ups and downs we had when Carter was in the NICU. It is just so HARD to watch my son go through whatever it is he is going through..I dont even know. His neurosurgeon suspects seizures, but only God knows what it is that Carter is experiencing. I as a mom just want to get this figured out and move on. I don't want to stay where we are at, helpless. There is no worse feeling.
I hope that I am somehow still a light to Carter..that I can give him joy still and that I dont focus on his 'episodes'. This is day #4 of 15+ 'episodes' or whatever you want to call them. What happens is Carter will make a little pain 'cry'..that is what we have always called them..But then the Dr. said why would he have pain and then be okay right after? Hmmm...thought to ponder. The last day or so (and this could be totally un-related) Carter has been saying "Owey" (sp)..and referencing to his fingers and just a little bit ago, his feet...I dont know what that means..? We are still to wait until next friday, the 18th. If things get worse you can guarantee that I will be finding a way to get him in sooner.
Thats all I have for now. Please keep the prayers for Carter coming..we GREATLY appreciate them.
God Bless, Jess

Since Sunday

Lord, I really wasnt kidding when I said that we couldnt take anymore with Carter...we really cant! I dont know what is going on, only You do Lord..Please help my son! We were just in Omaha yesterday for a checkup..which was much needed because of the noises that became more frequent starting on Sunday...He has had little uncontrolled noises, like pain cries we called tehm...Yesterday we let the neurosurgeon know and he has a suspicion that it could be seizures. Carter had been set up to have an EEG next friday the 18th back in Omaha..this will look at his brain waves and see what is going on, if anything.
Okay, so as of 45 minutes ago, Carter threw up on me, 3 times! He has NO fever again..I really am scared out of my mind..I wish I had more insight to this...All I know is something is NOT right..He is not the same little boy..these last 5 weeks have been hell for him and for us. Are we being tested, and if so why cant I be tested physically instead of my Carter? I am thinking a 4th trip to Omaha may be happening in the approaching hours...which is not good cause we are going to be having a blizzard I am told.
Will write more when I feel like my head is wrapped around whatever is going on.
Jess